How to Build Self-Esteem After Divorce

Whether you were married for four months or forty years, the pain from a divorce can be devastating. Not only can divorce affect your family and finances, but it can also impact your physical, emotional, and spiritual wellbeing. Your self-esteem and confidence can take a brutal hit as you try to make sense of this new normal. If you’re wondering how to build self-esteem after a divorce, this article is for you.

Four Steps for How to Build Self-Esteem

How do you regain the confidence and faith required to fulfill your purpose when you feel like you have already failed? There are four steps you can take to relight the fire of your faith while shining a beam on your self-worth.

The First Step: Forgiveness

The first step in learning how to build self-esteem after a divorce is becoming aware of any unforgiveness you are harboring. This unforgiveness may be towards your spouse, yourself, or a third party. Perhaps all three. However, learning to forgive sets you free from the bondage of being unequally yoked. It is the initial step that is required so that you will feel lighter and bolder. Once forgiveness is applied, your emotional foundation will begin to feel healthy again.

Forgiveness is not automatic for most people, which is why the Lord commanded us to forgive one another. You do not have to walk back into the environment of a toxic relationship to forgive. Only God can heal a broken heart and help a person give another one the freedom of forgiveness. This does not excuse another’s actions or the consequences of their behavior – it just sets you free from the pain so you can begin to heal.

Blaming the other person (even if they are at fault) will only serve to keep you prisoner and stop your forward momentum into a fresh start. People tend to get caught up in the blame game and become blinded to the new opportunities in front of them. Ask God to fill your heart with forgiveness while keeping your eyes open to new relationship boundaries and wise choices.

It is okay to grieve the end of a marriage. Some people are so angry or hurt that they build walls around themselves for protection without allowing themselves the time to grieve. Divorce, just like the death of a close friend, is a profound loss. It is the loss of all the hopes, dreams, and expectations the couple once had for their future. As with the death of a loved one, the healing can only begin after the grief surfaces.

The Second Step: Remember Who You Are in Him

The aftermath of divorce feels like hitting rock bottom. Yet, it is in the pit that we can find our Savior waiting to release us from our shackles and help us out and back into the daylight. If we did not go through challenges, obstacles, and toxic relationships, then perhaps we would never see our need to depend on God and His love for us.

It is difficult to remember that Jesus Christ paid the ultimate price for us in the middle of turmoil – His death and resurrection – to bring us closer to God. Sometimes we feel alone, abandoned, neglected. But the truth is that Jesus is walking with us every step of the way.

God loves you and wants you to remember who you are in Him. You are the son or daughter of the One who created everything. He has already seen your victories and your heartache. He already knows where you will be five years from now if you continue this path or if you pull Jesus closer to you and step out in faith on to a different road. It is a choice you need to make.

This is the perfect season to walk closer and bolder in Him. Obedience is part of the spiritual journey, and staying faithful to God while facing a divorce is challenging. Harsh words are often exchanged. Children are sometimes involved. The loss of a home may occur. Faith only grows and increases in power when we go through challenges and come out the other side.

Whatever your situation looks like presently, remember who you are in Christ. Remember that he has given you the necessary skills and provisions to get you through this moment in time. What is in front of you? Ask God to open your eyes to see the truth around you.

The Third Step: Allow Yourself to Grow

Your confidence can wane after divorce. Yet, it is this confidence that is needed to help propel you into rediscovering yourself. But what if your confidence is lacking? “For the Lord will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being caught.” (Proverbs 3:26)

You can trust in the Lord to rebuild your self-confidence. As we have seen, remembering that He has already paid the price, already won the war, is the confidence we need to continue in this life

To regain confidence and build your self-worth, you should seek to grow physically, emotionally, and spiritually. This personal development growth will expand into all areas of your life as you learn new skills and change your perspective and self-talk. Consider making a list of your strengths and weaknesses.

What strengths should you highlight even more? What weaknesses do you need to work on, and what new skills should you learn? What hobbies have you always wanted to try but never did? Now is the time to go on new adventures, set goals, and see what you are capable of at work, at home, and in the kingdom of God.

Many people find in this season of life the motivation to renew a healthy mind and body. Consult a nutritionist if you need help choosing a healthy way to eat, serving smaller portions, or stopping abusive eating patterns. You might find a new fitness routine helpful. Exercise lowers blood pressure, regulates heart rate, strengthens muscles and bones, and results in weight loss and a smaller waistline, which can reduce your chances of developing significant diseases and other conditions.

The Fourth Step: Find Support

A divorce is a life event. You need to surround yourself with support from those who love and care about you. You want people who will celebrate your success and carry you through your struggles. You want people around who you are willing to do the same.

The Bible states, “And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works.” (Hebrews 10:24) Your support circle does not need to be large. Finding a small group of people you can trust, an inner circle is probably best. Having even one trustworthy person in your corner can make all the difference. This can be a friend or family member or someone from church. You can also lean on a faith-based counselor or someone from a support group that specializes in divorce.

Some churches offer in-person and online groups for men and women trying to cope with divorce’s after-effects. By combining your faith with this type of Christian group, you live out Jesus’ words found in Matthew 18:20, “For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them.” Prayer, fellowship, and the act of worshipping God during this difficult time will build new and lasting friendships.

Depending on your situation and location, you may opt for group counseling sessions with others going through a divorce, especially if your church does not offer one or if you are not a member of a local church. These groups tend to be small, have people of all ages, and provide confidentiality between the group members and the therapist leading the session.

We want to help you in all areas of your personal development: from building self-esteem to setting new life goals to strengthening your spiritual walk in Jesus Christ. Reach out to us today for a counseling session and let us help you create a plan. There is a new life after divorce waiting for you to claim it.