Kate Motaung, Newbury Park Christian Counseling

About Kate Motaung

Kate Motaung is the Senior Writer, Editor, and Content Manager for a multi-state company. She is the author of several books including Letters to Grief, 101 Prayers for Comfort in Difficult Times, and A Place to Land: A Story of Longing and Belonging. Kate is also the host of Five Minute Friday, an online writing community that equips and encourages Christian writers, and the owner of Refine Services, a company that offers editing services. She and her South African husband have three young adult children and currently live in West Michigan. Find Kate’s books at katemotaung.com/books.

My Boyfriend Has Anger Issues. What Do I Do?

My Boyfriend Has Anger Issues. What Do I Do?

Kate Motaung2024-11-07T06:47:12+00:00March 29th, 2021|Anger Issues, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

When you love someone, whatever affects and hurts them has a significant impact on you and your life. In a romantic relationship such as between a boyfriend and girlfriend, issues take on an added layer of complexity, because the question of your future together also comes into consideration. When your partner has anger issues, it can deeply affect your relationship, and it raises the question of what you can do about it. Firstly, it’s important to understand what are and aren’t anger issues, and to understand the options available to you at that point. What are Anger Issues? Most people get angry at one point or another in their lives. What causes us to get angry can depend on a variety of things, including whether we are feeling stressed, haven’t slept, or eaten well, and the issue over which our ire is stirred. Anger is one of the emotions given to us by God; experiencing it and expressing it in healthy ways can move us toward meaningful action to remedy whatever may not be right in our orbit. Expressed well, anger can communicate the deep wells of our being and let other people know what we care about and why. Anger issues, on the other hand, signal something more troubling that should be a concern. When someone has anger issues, what that generally means is that they either get angry easily and are therefore angry most of the time, or the way they express their anger is inappropriate in one way or another. Some signs of anger issues in a person’s life include: Frequent anger Uncontrolled anger. They don’t rule their anger; their anger rules them. Physical or verbal abuse. Sometimes they may even damage property when they are angry. They may shout, curse, throw or break things to [...]

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Kids and Decision Fatigue

Kids and Decision Fatigue

Kate Motaung2024-11-07T06:47:21+00:00February 22nd, 2021|Christian Counseling for Children, Christian Counseling For Teens, Family Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Helping kids make decisions can feel like training a horse to gallop across a field of jello – messy, slow, and difficult. We live in a world where we and our children are inundated with stimuli. They see ads for things they want everywhere, they have more pressure and responsibilities than earlier generations, and they’re incredibly busy. Small wonder that it’s hard for kids to make decisions when they have so much to process and take in. As parents, teachers, and caregivers, we want to raise our children to be successful. This includes helping them learn how to make decisions. Adults make an average of 30,000 decisions per day and kids are close to this, too. Setting our children up for a lifetime of successful decision-making can be a game-changer for them. But what about when decision fatigue sets in for them and it seems impossible to make decisions? How do we help them through times like this? How do we discover when it is going on? This article will talk about what decision fatigue is, how you know your child is wrestling with it, and ways to help them through it. Some of these tips (most) are helpful for adults, too, so keep them in your back pocket for the next time you’re facing a difficult decision-making process. What is decision fatigue? Decision fatigue is when we’re unable to decide. It most often occurs during, or right after, periods of stress, transition, trauma, burn-out, overscheduling, or illness. It often happens when you experience many of these factors at once, and it can happen to children and adults. Kids may experience this over a seemingly basic decision like what shirt to wear to school or a bigger decision like if they should do afterschool sports or music programs. Decision [...]

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How to Work through Relationship Issues

How to Work through Relationship Issues

Kate Motaung2024-11-07T06:47:29+00:00February 12th, 2021|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Can you relate to these relationship issues? Megan is driving home from work tired from a long day. She pulls into the driveway and walks through the door. Her husband Jason is sitting on the couch watching TV. There’s no dinner in the kitchen. “What’s the plan for dinner?” she asks, putting her purse on the entry table. “I don’t know. What were you thinking?” he answers, without looking over. “I thought we agreed you’d take care of dinner since you are working from home.” “I know, but you are so much better at cooking. I figured I’d wait and let you take care of it.” “You always make me take care of stuff like this, even though you have the extra time to do it since you are working from home. We already talked about this.” “Look it’s not that big of a deal, I’ll just order something in.” “I thought we agreed we were going to cook at home to save money. That’s why we decided you should take care of dinner while I finish work,” Megan snapped. “Well, it’s too late now,” he retorted. They ate take out Chinese food in silence that night. Working through Relationship Issues Any meaningful relationship is going to have issues. Many of you may relate to the tension in Megan and Jason’s story. That’s because theirs isn’t all that uncommon. In this brief anecdote alone, there are some serious points of conflict, including finances, communication, work-life balance, and even gender roles. A silent dinner over takeout Chinese is not the desired end of this relational encounter. Unfortunately, many people find themselves in situations just like this. They are unhappy but don’t know what has gone wrong. This is true for Christians as well. Even though they want to love their [...]

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Opportunity or Oppression? Finances in Marriage

Opportunity or Oppression? Finances in Marriage

Kate Motaung2024-11-07T06:47:36+00:00January 22nd, 2021|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

It is no surprise that finances in marriage are one of the most, if not the most fought about issue in marriage. Finances can be stressful, overwhelming, frustrating, and sometimes halt growth within your marriage. As such, it is important to take time to prioritize your financial discussions rather than avoid them. “Money is either the best or the worst area of communication in our marriages.” – Larry Burkett Consider these scenarios regarding finances in marriage: Nina and Tom have been married for one year. They came into their marriage head-over-heels in love but had not taken the time to sit down and make a budget and plan financially. This has since driven a wedge between them and halted their communication because they both came into their marriage with debt and different opinions of financial priorities. Susan and Tim have been married for five years and usually live paycheck to paycheck. They are thankful that their bills are always paid, even if their bank account is drained before the next payday. Susan and Tim recently found out that they are expecting, and Susan wants to be a stay-at-home mom, but she is not sure how they are going to compensate for losing her paycheck. This has since driven a wedge between them as they are unsure of how to proceed and move forward in the decision-making process. Betty and Caleb have been married for three years and are going through an exceedingly difficult time in their marriage because they have still not merged their bank accounts. They have split the bills between the two of them and feel that they are both very personal people and do not want to share their banking information with the other person. This often causes tension when there is a discussion about new [...]

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Women’s Issues: When Your Friend Circle Feels Nonexistent

Women’s Issues: When Your Friend Circle Feels Nonexistent

Kate Motaung2024-11-07T06:47:49+00:00January 13th, 2021|Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues, Women’s Issues|

When it comes to women's issues, some women are blessed with a circle of friends that share an unbreakable bond. Some women feel like they can bare their souls to a group of friends while others are hesitant and feel they have to walk on eggshells because of past hurts and insecurities. One of the biggest misconceptions we face today is thinking we need to have it all together before establishing healthy relationships. We often “mask up” when it comes to relationships – we put on the façade that we are doing great, even when our world is in shambles or when our heart is broken into a million pieces. Consider the women in these scenarios: Julie has been a loner for most of her life because her family was always moving. Due to the constant moving, she never felt it was worth it to invest in relationships because she feared being too attached before moving again. This lifestyle attributed greatly to Julie’s lack of friends because she never put herself out there and this transitioned to adulthood. She fears the rejection that might come with making new friends. Betty overheard her best friend of fifteen years talking negatively about her and making fun of her insecurities and lifestyle. Her so-called best friend was airing her dirty laundry to a group of her friends and Betty broke when the person she trusted most made light of her life and her dreams. Betty now believes that she cannot trust anyone and never wants to feel that rejection again. Sally was abused by her parents throughout her childhood, which led to abandonment issues, insecurities, and being closed off to the people around her. Sally is embarrassed about her upbringing because she feels like everyone around her is so close to their [...]

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5 Ways to Manage Stress

5 Ways to Manage Stress

Kate Motaung2024-11-07T06:47:57+00:00November 3rd, 2020|Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Professional Development|

Stress affects all of us and costs us plenty. We lose productive time at work or school and experience strain on our relationships when we are stressed. It exacts a high price on our health, causing premature aging and leading to many diseases. It pays to know various ways to manage stress since we all have to deal with it in varying degrees. Good Stress vs. Bad Stress A certain amount of stress in your life is good. With no deadlines to meet, no pressure to pay your bills, or no expectations in your relationships, you would have an unsatisfying existence. Good stress helps us accomplish tasks on time, take responsibility for our obligations, and encourages us to be intentional in our relationships. A little bit of good stress is not harmful, but helpful. Bad stress, on the other hand, costs us more than it benefits us. There are different types of bad stress. Some stress comes to us without invitation. A tree falls on your house, your spouse is diagnosed with a chronic illness, or your extended family members stir up constant drama. These types of stressors can be managed even if they can’t be prevented. The other type of bad stress is preventable stress. If you are taking on the job of two people at work, that’s bad stress. If overspending each month breaks your budget, that’s also bad stress. If you procrastinate and then experience friction with your family, that’s another example of the type of stress you can prevent. You can learn ways to head off this kind of bad stress by changing your responses and behaviors. 5 Ways to Manage Stress You may not be able to prevent all stress in your life. But you can control your responses to stress and work to [...]

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Will I Ever Get Married?

Will I Ever Get Married?

Kate Motaung2024-11-07T06:48:07+00:00October 19th, 2020|Featured, Individual Counseling, Men’s Issues, Premarital Counseling, Women’s Issues|

Most of us have at one point or another wanted to know what the future would hold for us. A big exam, a job interview, a long-anticipated date, those three dots indicating that someone is typing a text message, or some other major life event may have us scrambling for signs and portents of what is to come. The future is like a darkened mirror in which we see shadows and dim reflections of our hopes and fears. Often, when events eventually unfold, the reality bears no resemblance to what we thought it would be, but our expectations of the future can have a massive impact on the here and now. It’s a good thing to want to get married. After all, Proverbs 18:22 says pithily, “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.” Presumably, the same goes for her who finds a husband. As creatures that reflect God’s capacity for relationship, we desire connection with others and thrive when in meaningful relationships. As we are hardwired for relationships, marriage is an arena where we can be physically and emotionally intimate with another person within a lifelong commitment. That being said, our culture does have a paradoxical tendency to treat marriage either as the pinnacle of adulting and something we all need to have to be fulfilled human beings or as a pointless archaic institution. On the one hand, more and more people are choosing to simply cohabit or eschew marriage altogether for a variety of reasons. For them, the desire to be married seems misplaced. On the other hand, others place excessive value on being married and think that it is for everyone. The questions “Are you married?” or “When are you getting married?” from family, friends, or church members [...]

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How to Reduce Stress: Dealing with the Pressure

How to Reduce Stress: Dealing with the Pressure

Kate Motaung2024-11-07T06:48:16+00:00July 2nd, 2020|Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development|

Almost everything in life moves faster than it did 20 years ago. You can call, text, or video chat with people from around the world. There are services that ship things to your door within two days and sometimes you can get things in as little as two hours. The speed and busyness of the world is growing, but while the efficiency of life is increasing, the stress of life is not decreasing. Many people find themselves wondering how to reduce stress. In fact, according to two surveys,94% of Americans experience workplace stress and on average Americans reported feeling a level of 4.9 out of ten when it came to stress. So, despite living in the most efficient time in history, many people continue to feel stressed out and overwhelmed. As a result, many people have come to accept living with stress as the norm and just something that is a part of life. While in some sense that is true, many people are living entrapped by stress. Jesus promised us rest. In Matthew 11:28 he says, “Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your soul. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” This sounds like the opposite of stress. Jesus is promising Christians an alternative lifestyle to a world driven by stress and anxiety. While this may not happen overnight, leaning into an intentional life and pursuit of the Spirit can bring serious fruit. While most episodes of stress are not serious and can be handled with stress management and coping skills, there are types of stress, such as chronic stress, which can [...]

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Eight Important Things to Know about Therapy

Eight Important Things to Know about Therapy

Kate Motaung2024-11-07T06:48:23+00:00July 2nd, 2020|Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development|

If you’ve ever thought about going for counseling, here’s a list of eight vital things to know about therapy: 1. Therapy actually IS for everyone. Therapy tends to have a stigma to it. Just the word may cripple some. It is, at times, associated with being crazy or weak. You may even be tempted to believe you can handle your issues yourself and feel that’s a strength. Nothing could be further from the truth, however. Generally, it is a matter of pride that gets in the way. Pride detours us from getting the help we really need. Therapy is beneficial for every individual because none of us are perfect so we can all use help at some point within our lives. We don’t always have the strength or the answers but still, we try to bear our burdens alone and that’s a difficult thing to do. We’re all imperfect. That is our humanity. Erving Polster put it well when he said that therapy is a thing that’s too good for it to be available only for the sick. 2. It is a therapist’s duty to educate clients on what’s healthy mentally rather than to pick sides. Many people find it a strange concept to talk to a total stranger about their deep secrets and their feelings as well. That’s totally understandable. You may be wondering about the benefits of being in counseling. There is a myriad of them. First and foremost, a counselor is trained and is a professional with a non-partial outlook. A therapist doesn’t judge or try to decide who’s good or bad. They are there to help, period the end. They want to see you become mentally and emotionally healthy and that is why they have chosen to be in the counseling field. A counselor’s ultimate [...]

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Panic Attacks: Symptoms, Causes, and Treatment

Panic Attacks: Symptoms, Causes, and Treatment

Kate Motaung2024-11-07T06:48:30+00:00July 2nd, 2020|Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling|

If you or anyone you know suffers from panic attacks, you know that the episodes can be terrifying and exhausting. Though panic attacks aren’t life-threatening, they can significantly impact quality of life; the good news is that treatment for panic attacks is available and can be very effective. What is a Panic Attack? Panic attacks are sudden, unexpected surges of intense fear during which several physical and psychological symptoms are present. Panic attacks are brief, lasting less than ten minutes, and they can occur without warning in a variety of circumstances – while you’re asleep, out shopping at the mall, while driving, or in the middle of a meeting. Some of the symptoms of a panic attack can linger longer than ten minutes, and people who experience one panic attack are at greater risk for having subsequent panic attacks. Panic disorder is when someone experiences recurrent panic attack episodes that are unexpected and aren’t triggered by specific phobias or circumstances. Panic disorder is common and affects about six million adults in the US. Panic attacks and the symptoms of panic disorder often start in the late teen years or early adulthood, and women are twice as likely as men to be affected. While it is not clear what causes panic attacks and panic disorder, the risk of having panic attacks or developing a panic disorder may be increased by: traumatizing events, such as a major accident or an assault a history of childhood abuse, whether sexual or physical big life changes such as a new child, starting a new job or divorce life stressors such as the illness or death of a loved one a family history of panic attacks or panic disorder The physical and psychological reactions during a panic attack occur when there is no real danger [...]

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