Newbury Park Christian Counseling, Author at Newbury Park Christian Counseling

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So far Newbury Park Christian Counseling has created 29 blog entries.

How to Work through Relationship Issues

How to Work through Relationship Issues

By Newbury Park Christian Counseling|2024-03-28T12:40:13+00:00February 12th, 2021|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Can you relate to these relationship issues? Megan is driving home from work tired from a long day. She pulls into the driveway and walks through the door. Her husband Jason is sitting on the couch watching TV. There’s no dinner in the kitchen. “What’s the plan for dinner?” she asks, putting her purse on the entry table. “I don’t know. What were you thinking?” he answers, without looking over. “I thought we agreed you’d take care of dinner since you are working from home.” “I know, but you are so much better at cooking. I figured I’d wait and let you take care of it.” “You always make me take care of stuff like this, even though you have the extra time to do it since you are working from home. We already talked about this.” “Look it’s not that big of a deal, I’ll just order something in.” “I thought we agreed we were going to cook at home to save money. That’s why we decided you should take care of dinner while I finish work,” Megan snapped. “Well, it’s too late now,” he retorted. They ate take out Chinese food in silence that night. Working through Relationship Issues Any meaningful relationship is going to have issues. Many of you may relate to the tension in Megan and Jason’s story. That’s because theirs isn’t all that uncommon. In this brief anecdote alone, there are some serious points of conflict, including finances, communication, work-life balance, and even gender roles. A silent dinner over takeout Chinese is not the desired end of this relational encounter. Unfortunately, many people find themselves in situations just like this. They are unhappy but don’t know what has gone wrong. This is true for Christians as well. Even though they want to love their [...]

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Opportunity or Oppression? Finances in Marriage

Opportunity or Oppression? Finances in Marriage

By Newbury Park Christian Counseling|2021-05-13T14:17:53+00:00January 22nd, 2021|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

It is no surprise that finances in marriage are one of the most, if not the most fought about issue in marriage. Finances can be stressful, overwhelming, frustrating, and sometimes halt growth within your marriage. As such, it is important to take time to prioritize your financial discussions rather than avoid them. “Money is either the best or the worst area of communication in our marriages.” – Larry Burkett Consider these scenarios regarding finances in marriage: Nina and Tom have been married for one year. They came into their marriage head-over-heels in love but had not taken the time to sit down and make a budget and plan financially. This has since driven a wedge between them and halted their communication because they both came into their marriage with debt and different opinions of financial priorities. Susan and Tim have been married for five years and usually live paycheck to paycheck. They are thankful that their bills are always paid, even if their bank account is drained before the next payday. Susan and Tim recently found out that they are expecting, and Susan wants to be a stay-at-home mom, but she is not sure how they are going to compensate for losing her paycheck. This has since driven a wedge between them as they are unsure of how to proceed and move forward in the decision-making process. Betty and Caleb have been married for three years and are going through an exceedingly difficult time in their marriage because they have still not merged their bank accounts. They have split the bills between the two of them and feel that they are both very personal people and do not want to share their banking information with the other person. This often causes tension when there is a discussion about new bills [...]

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Women’s Issues: When Your Friend Circle Feels Nonexistent

Women’s Issues: When Your Friend Circle Feels Nonexistent

By Newbury Park Christian Counseling|2021-01-25T16:09:14+00:00January 13th, 2021|Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues, Women’s Issues|

When it comes to women's issues, some women are blessed with a circle of friends that share an unbreakable bond. Some women feel like they can bare their souls to a group of friends while others are hesitant and feel they have to walk on eggshells because of past hurts and insecurities. One of the biggest misconceptions we face today is thinking we need to have it all together before establishing healthy relationships. We often “mask up” when it comes to relationships – we put on the façade that we are doing great, even when our world is in shambles or when our heart is broken into a million pieces. Consider the women in these scenarios: Julie has been a loner for most of her life because her family was always moving. Due to the constant moving, she never felt it was worth it to invest in relationships because she feared being too attached before moving again. This lifestyle attributed greatly to Julie’s lack of friends because she never put herself out there and this transitioned to adulthood. She fears the rejection that might come with making new friends. Betty overheard her best friend of fifteen years talking negatively about her and making fun of her insecurities and lifestyle. Her so-called best friend was airing her dirty laundry to a group of her friends and Betty broke when the person she trusted most made light of her life and her dreams. Betty now believes that she cannot trust anyone and never wants to feel that rejection again. Sally was abused by her parents throughout her childhood, which led to abandonment issues, insecurities, and being closed off to the people around her. Sally is embarrassed about her upbringing because she feels like everyone around her is so close to their parents [...]

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How to Build Self-Esteem After Divorce

How to Build Self-Esteem After Divorce

By Newbury Park Christian Counseling|2020-12-15T21:47:43+00:00December 15th, 2020|Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Relationship Issues|

Whether you were married for four months or forty years, the pain from a divorce can be devastating. Not only can divorce affect your family and finances, but it can also impact your physical, emotional, and spiritual wellbeing. Your self-esteem and confidence can take a brutal hit as you try to make sense of this new normal. If you're wondering how to build self-esteem after a divorce, this article is for you. Four Steps for How to Build Self-Esteem How do you regain the confidence and faith required to fulfill your purpose when you feel like you have already failed? There are four steps you can take to relight the fire of your faith while shining a beam on your self-worth. The First Step: Forgiveness The first step in learning how to build self-esteem after a divorce is becoming aware of any unforgiveness you are harboring. This unforgiveness may be towards your spouse, yourself, or a third party. Perhaps all three. However, learning to forgive sets you free from the bondage of being unequally yoked. It is the initial step that is required so that you will feel lighter and bolder. Once forgiveness is applied, your emotional foundation will begin to feel healthy again. Forgiveness is not automatic for most people, which is why the Lord commanded us to forgive one another. You do not have to walk back into the environment of a toxic relationship to forgive. Only God can heal a broken heart and help a person give another one the freedom of forgiveness. This does not excuse another’s actions or the consequences of their behavior – it just sets you free from the pain so you can begin to heal. Blaming the other person (even if they are at fault) will only serve to keep you prisoner [...]

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5 Ways to Manage Stress

5 Ways to Manage Stress

By Newbury Park Christian Counseling|2020-11-18T23:40:14+00:00November 3rd, 2020|Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Professional Development|

Stress affects all of us and costs us plenty. We lose productive time at work or school and experience strain on our relationships when we are stressed. It exacts a high price on our health, causing premature aging and leading to many diseases. It pays to know various ways to manage stress since we all have to deal with it in varying degrees. Good Stress vs. Bad Stress A certain amount of stress in your life is good. With no deadlines to meet, no pressure to pay your bills, or no expectations in your relationships, you would have an unsatisfying existence. Good stress helps us accomplish tasks on time, take responsibility for our obligations, and encourages us to be intentional in our relationships. A little bit of good stress is not harmful, but helpful. Bad stress, on the other hand, costs us more than it benefits us. There are different types of bad stress. Some stress comes to us without invitation. A tree falls on your house, your spouse is diagnosed with a chronic illness, or your extended family members stir up constant drama. These types of stressors can be managed even if they can’t be prevented. The other type of bad stress is preventable stress. If you are taking on the job of two people at work, that’s bad stress. If overspending each month breaks your budget, that’s also bad stress. If you procrastinate and then experience friction with your family, that’s another example of the type of stress you can prevent. You can learn ways to head off this kind of bad stress by changing your responses and behaviors. 5 Ways to Manage Stress You may not be able to prevent all stress in your life. But you can control your responses to stress and work to [...]

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Will I Ever Get Married?

Will I Ever Get Married?

By Newbury Park Christian Counseling|2024-07-10T09:44:06+00:00October 19th, 2020|Featured, Individual Counseling, Men’s Issues, Premarital Counseling, Women’s Issues|

Most of us have at one point or another wanted to know what the future would hold for us. A big exam, a job interview, a long-anticipated date, those three dots indicating that someone is typing a text message, or some other major life event may have us scrambling for signs and portents of what is to come. The future is like a darkened mirror in which we see shadows and dim reflections of our hopes and fears. Often, when events eventually unfold, the reality bears no resemblance to what we thought it would be, but our expectations of the future can have a massive impact on the here and now. It’s a good thing to want to get married. After all, Proverbs 18:22 says pithily, “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.” Presumably, the same goes for her who finds a husband. As creatures that reflect God’s capacity for relationship, we desire connection with others and thrive when in meaningful relationships. As we are hardwired for relationships, marriage is an arena where we can be physically and emotionally intimate with another person within a lifelong commitment. That being said, our culture does have a paradoxical tendency to treat marriage either as the pinnacle of adulting and something we all need to have to be fulfilled human beings or as a pointless archaic institution. On the one hand, more and more people are choosing to simply cohabit or eschew marriage altogether for a variety of reasons. For them, the desire to be married seems misplaced. On the other hand, others place excessive value on being married and think that it is for everyone. The questions “Are you married?” or “When are you getting married?” from family, friends, [...]

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How to Reduce Stress: Dealing with the Pressure

How to Reduce Stress: Dealing with the Pressure

By Newbury Park Christian Counseling|2024-03-28T12:42:54+00:00July 2nd, 2020|Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development|

Almost everything in life moves faster than it did 20 years ago. You can call, text, or video chat with people from around the world. There are services that ship things to your door within two days and sometimes you can get things in as little as two hours. The speed and busyness of the world is growing, but while the efficiency of life is increasing, the stress of life is not decreasing. Many people find themselves wondering how to reduce stress. In fact, according to two surveys,94% of Americans experience workplace stress and on average Americans reported feeling a level of 4.9 out of ten when it came to stress. So, despite living in the most efficient time in history, many people continue to feel stressed out and overwhelmed. As a result, many people have come to accept living with stress as the norm and just something that is a part of life. While in some sense that is true, many people are living entrapped by stress. Jesus promised us rest. In Matthew 11:28 he says, “Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your soul. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” This sounds like the opposite of stress. Jesus is promising Christians an alternative lifestyle to a world driven by stress and anxiety. While this may not happen overnight, leaning into an intentional life and pursuit of the Spirit can bring serious fruit. While most episodes of stress are not serious and can be handled with stress management and coping skills, there are types of stress, such as chronic stress, which can [...]

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Eight Important Things to Know about Therapy

Eight Important Things to Know about Therapy

By Newbury Park Christian Counseling|2024-03-28T12:45:27+00:00July 2nd, 2020|Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development|

If you’ve ever thought about going for counseling, here’s a list of eight vital things to know about therapy: 1. Therapy actually IS for everyone. Therapy tends to have a stigma to it. Just the word may cripple some. It is, at times, associated with being crazy or weak. You may even be tempted to believe you can handle your issues yourself and feel that’s a strength. Nothing could be further from the truth, however. Generally, it is a matter of pride that gets in the way. Pride detours us from getting the help we really need. Therapy is beneficial for every individual because none of us are perfect so we can all use help at some point within our lives. We don’t always have the strength or the answers but still, we try to bear our burdens alone and that’s a difficult thing to do. We’re all imperfect. That is our humanity. Erving Polster put it well when he said that therapy is a thing that’s too good for it to be available only for the sick. 2. It is a therapist’s duty to educate clients on what’s healthy mentally rather than to pick sides. Many people find it a strange concept to talk to a total stranger about their deep secrets and their feelings as well. That’s totally understandable. You may be wondering about the benefits of being in counseling. There is a myriad of them. First and foremost, a counselor is trained and is a professional with a non-partial outlook. A therapist doesn’t judge or try to decide who’s good or bad. They are there to help, period the end. They want to see you become mentally and emotionally healthy and that is why they have chosen to be in the counseling field. A counselor’s ultimate [...]

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Panic Attacks: Symptoms, Causes, and Treatment

Panic Attacks: Symptoms, Causes, and Treatment

By Newbury Park Christian Counseling|2023-10-26T12:49:16+00:00July 2nd, 2020|Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling|

If you or anyone you know suffers from panic attacks, you know that the episodes can be terrifying and exhausting. Though panic attacks aren’t life-threatening, they can significantly impact quality of life; the good news is that treatment for panic attacks is available and can be very effective. What is a Panic Attack? Panic attacks are sudden, unexpected surges of intense fear during which several physical and psychological symptoms are present. Panic attacks are brief, lasting less than ten minutes, and they can occur without warning in a variety of circumstances – while you’re asleep, out shopping at the mall, while driving, or in the middle of a meeting. Some of the symptoms of a panic attack can linger longer than ten minutes, and people who experience one panic attack are at greater risk for having subsequent panic attacks. Panic disorder is when someone experiences recurrent panic attack episodes that are unexpected and aren’t triggered by specific phobias or circumstances. Panic disorder is common and affects about six million adults in the US. Panic attacks and the symptoms of panic disorder often start in the late teen years or early adulthood, and women are twice as likely as men to be affected. While it is not clear what causes panic attacks and panic disorder, the risk of having panic attacks or developing a panic disorder may be increased by: traumatizing events, such as a major accident or an assault a history of childhood abuse, whether sexual or physical big life changes such as a new child, starting a new job or divorce life stressors such as the illness or death of a loved one a family history of panic attacks or panic disorder The physical and psychological reactions during a panic attack occur when there is no real danger [...]

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