Kids and Decision Fatigue

Helping kids make decisions can feel like training a horse to gallop across a field of jello – messy, slow, and difficult. We live in a world where we and our children are inundated with stimuli. They see ads for things they want everywhere, they have more pressure and responsibilities than earlier generations, and they’re incredibly busy. Small wonder that it’s hard for kids to make decisions when they have so much to process and take in.

As parents, teachers, and caregivers, we want to raise our children to be successful. This includes helping them learn how to make decisions. Adults make an average of 30,000 decisions per day and kids are close to this, too. Setting our children up for a lifetime of successful decision-making can be a game-changer for them.

But what about when decision fatigue sets in for them and it seems impossible to make decisions? How do we help them through times like this? How do we discover when it is going on?

This article will talk about what decision fatigue is, how you know your child is wrestling with it, and ways to help them through it. Some of these tips (most) are helpful for adults, too, so keep them in your back pocket for the next time you’re facing a difficult decision-making process.

What is decision fatigue?

Decision fatigue is when we’re unable to decide. It most often occurs during, or right after, periods of stress, transition, trauma, burn-out, overscheduling, or illness. It often happens when you experience many of these factors at once, and it can happen to children and adults.

Kids may experience this over a seemingly basic decision like what shirt to wear to school or a bigger decision like if they should do afterschool sports or music programs. Decision fatigue is not a child being stubborn, insensitive, or rude. It is not a child trying to cop-out, manipulate, or refuse to take part, though it can often be interpreted as undesirable behavior.

If a child is struggling to make a decision, it’s worth it to consider if they are struggling with decision fatigue. For some children, even the basic day-to-day functioning of school can be enough stress and pressure to bring on decision fatigue.

Children who have a chronically ill parent or sibling, or a parent who has recently changed, or lost jobs, often deal with this as well. There are many situations where a child may find themselves in a season of decision fatigue.

It is our job as parents to support and come alongside them in this process. Children who are struggling with decision-making should not be punished or be made to feel less-than or stupid for struggling with a decision. Nor should they be forced into deciding when they are not ready to do so.

How to identify decision fatigue in children

Kids who are struggling with decision fatigue might:

• Cry when making basic decisions
• Fight or hide when asked to make a choice
• Put off making basic decisions
• Neglect anything that requires them to make a choice
• Choose to wear the same outfit day in and day out
• Refuse to take part or cause disruptions with family or class decision making
• Show signs of anxiety or depression
• Seemingly overreact to even the most basic daily tasks
• Struggle with impulse control

Of course, there can be other reasons for these types of behavior to occur. You’ll notice many of these are typical of kids with learning disabilities, special, needs, and Autism Spectrum Disorders. These children may also be experiencing decision fatigue based on their unique needs.

Working with the decision-making tips below may help ease the decision-making process for then. But you know your child best. If you think there may be something else going on with them besides decision fatigue, contact your doctor, counselor, or another qualified provider.

Ways to help kids with decision fatigue

Fortunately, there are a lot of ways we can support our children in these seasons. Many of these may even become standard practice for making decisions with your children. Try some of these out and see what works best for your children. They won’t all work for all kids, you’ll need to give each a bit of time to see what’s best with their understanding of the world.

Try yes or no questions

Often parents ask open-ended questions or present multiple options. Some children, especially in difficult seasons, thrive with basic yes/no questions. “Do you want to wear your pink dress today?” “No.” “Do you want to wear your blue dress today?” ‘Yes.”

You can even try “Do you want to decide between your pink or your blue dress for today?” These may work better than “Do you want to wear your pink or blue dress today?” This gives them one thing to focus on at a time.

Shop with a purpose and a timeline

Decision fatigue can set in hard at the store. Allow your child to keep an ongoing wish list for things they’d like to buy. Then when they get a gift card from Grandma, they have a place to start. This will keep them from wandering the toy aisles overwhelmed while trying to decide what to get.

Then you can start at the top of the list and work your way through it together (try the yes/no questions) while they decide what to get. Also, think about having a no impulse buying rule. This will also mean no last-minute decisions have to be made.

Instituting a waiting period for purchases is also helpful. Establish ahead of time your timeline. Seventy-two hours tends to be good for a lot of children, but others need a week. This means that they need to wait this length of time before making a purchase. It will keep away impulse spending and help them work through what they really want. This is helpful when making birthday and Christmas wish lists too!

Narrow down choices

This cannot be emphasized enough. In seasons of decision fatigue, fewer choices are always best. Present three options to choose from at the most. Younger kids do best with two.

Reflect together

In seasons of clarity and calm, reflect together on earlier decisions. Think through how the decision was made and what the outcome was. This will help your child see that they can make choices and work through what methods they like to use the best.

Avoid decisions after dinner, when kids are hungry or tired, and right after school

These are all times when our children are overwhelmed and tired already. They’re not going to make clear choices here and decision fatigue can set in even more easily. Let kids sleep on things for a day or two as often as possible.

Let them make mistakes

The popular song from Frozen says “people make bad choices when they’re mad or scared or stressed.” Despite our best intentions, this will happen to our children too. It is hard to watch but an important part of our children’s development. Let them make mistakes when making choices.

Counseling for children

If your child, or family, is going through or has recently left a difficult season of life, Christian counseling is a good place to start. Christian counseling will give your child a healthy way to process this experience. It also gives a good outside perspective. Some children do best when getting tips and lifestyle changes from someone other than a parent.

The tips above may work beautifully for your child but not coming from you. We’ve all had experiences where we have told our children something and they didn’t listen, but when they heard something similar from an outside source, they clung to it. Kids seem to be wired to not want to take advice from their parents in certain situations.

A counselor can work with your child on healthy decision-making. Together they can work through the difficulties of life and find decision-making strategies that work best. Family or group counseling may also take place, especially with very young children. Together the entire family can work to make strong decisions for a lifetime.