On Married Life: Biblical Marriage Advice from a Christian Counselor

Married life, like most things in life, has its difficulties. Every marriage goes through seasons of sunny, clear skies, but there are also times when dark clouds cover the horizon, sometimes for years. Relationships are complex things, and marriage is one of the more complicated ones, and that’s because it’s one of the closest human relationships we can have.

You’re spending your life with someone, sharing everything that you have and are with them – the good, the bad, and the ugly. It takes commitment, wisdom, and grace to navigate the many pitfalls that can beset a marriage. Thankfully, we aren’t left to our own devices because the Bible gives us direct advice about how to conduct our relationships in ways that produce meaningful, long-lasting connections with other people.

Biblical Advice about Married Life

Because marriage was God’s idea, it makes sense to look to what he says about it so that we can do what works for the sake of our marriages. This article will look at what the Bible says about marriage and married life (and relationships in general) so that we can glean wisdom for our lives.

Love, honor, and respect.

One of the key building blocks of a happy married life is that the two people in the marriage love, honor, and respect one another. In fact, without these three, it’s hard going for any marriage. In several places in the Bible, husbands and wives are reminded to love and respect one another.

It’s no mistake that many wedding vows use those very words. When you live with someone for a long time, you get to see them when they are at their best, and when they’re at their worst. The sense of mystery about them can fade, and it’s easy to lose respect for them especially when you have a thorough knowledge of their flaws.

While outsiders to the marriage may hold your spouse in high regard, you know the inside scoop, and as the old saying goes, familiarity can breed contempt. Instead of giving in to that impulse, spouses are reminded to love, honor, and respect one another. In many of Paul’s letters, he reminds couples of this (Ephesians 5, Colossians 3). Peter also writes along the same lines in his first letter.

Love can look squarely at its object and appreciate it, flaws and all. Taking the time to celebrate your spouse, who they are, and what they do goes a long way. This doesn’t mean that we ignore our partner’s flaws, but we’re talking about valuing and appreciating who the other person is and enjoying them for who they are. Gratitude has the power to transform our outlook on life, and that includes how we view our marriages.

One of the things that the Bible challenges us with is Jesus’ example of what love looks like in action. In Ephesians 5, that example is brought to bear on marriage, and men are called to imitate Jesus’ love for his people in how they love their wives. This was written in a culture when men had a lot of power, and they could run their households pretty much how they pleased.

In some ways, things have changed, but in others, they have not. The challenge of this passage of the Bible is that it calls men, specifically, to be willing to give themselves up for their wives. We are all called toward a love that seeks what is best for others, as we are reminded at many weddings from 1 Corinthians 13.

Seeking the good of others may at times mean we postpone or set aside meeting our needs. It may mean giving up professional ambitions so you can be available for your family. That’s a tough one for men. It could mean setting aside the purchase of a luxury item for yourself so that another more immediate need is met.

In marriage, as in any healthy relationship, making sacrifices for one another is par for the course. For it to work, though, both parties must be willing to make sacrifices for each other, otherwise, the relationship becomes dysfunctional.

Your marriage will change.

There is a time and a season for everything (Ecclesiastes 3). You and your spouse experience many different things over time. You’ll encounter seasons of change, hardship, joy, and more. As you get older and you enter various phases of life, your needs may change and so how you meet them will also change. The passion of youth can mellow into the deep, rich connection born of doing life together for a while.

Learning to value the changes and not simply yearning for what once was will help you appreciate the marriage, you’re in here and now. You may not have sex as often or as passionately as you’d like, and that may just be the season you’re in. A spouse who may have valued gifts earlier in the marriage may begin to value involvement with the kids and help around the house more.

Our love languages can change over time because what we want and need as people changes too. So, while you may be married to the same person for years and years, expect that your marriage will change as you grow and enter new seasons of life. It’s important to keep the communication lines open so that as those needs evolve, you can continue meeting one another halfway.

Don’t walk alone.

The life of faith is not intended to be a solitary one. We are part of a community, a body of brothers and sisters who have unique gifts and wisdom (1 Corinthians 12). With marriage, we find an analogous situation. You are not the only married couple. Having other married friends for accountability and company is vital. Part of fellowship with others in the body is about finding fellow travelers, and some of those fellow travelers are journeying not only in faith but in marriage.

Having couples you trust that you can bounce ideas off, share wisdom with, and draw encouragement from can make all the difference in your marriage. Other people can help you gain or maintain perspective on what’s happening in your own life, and so help your marriage.

Trust the Lord.

As with everything else in our lives, all good gifts come from God (James 1). The Lord desires our good, and even when we go through tough times, it is not meant to harm us, and he works it for our good (Romans 8:28). And so, another key component about our marriage is that we should surrender it and trust in the Lord’s work in and through that marriage.

Trust the Lord for your marriage and its longevity. Marriage can be hard; that’s because when two imperfect people make promises to one another for life, it’s not always going to be a smooth ride. And that’s without all the stuff life throws at you that you must deal with that can erode your happiness and sense of well-being. Trust the Lord for your life and your marriage, that he is faithful and will bring you through whatever difficulties you may face.

Trust that when the Lord calls you to be faithful to your spouse, he knows what he’s talking about, no matter how attractive another option might be looking right now. Also, trust God to do the work in your spouse that you think they need. And trust that God will also do his work in you too.

You and your spouse are on a journey together, and the Lord often uses our journey to refine us and make us into the people he wants us to become. Someone once said that marriage is like a furnace – God uses it to purify us by showing us how self-centered or unforgiving we can be.

Marriage often brings to the surface things that you may not know about yourself. A close relationship with your spouse can show you parts of one another. Trust, though, that God knows what he’s doing in putting you together with this person. Don’t try to change them – that’s God’s job. Just do your part and follow the Lord’s lead.

As with everything in marriage, both of you must be putting in the work of trusting the Lord and walking with him. Married life is a wondrous, complicated, and joyous thing. All of our relationships are important, but this relationship touches our hearts and our lives in a unique way. Investing in it to make it flourish is one of the best things you can do for yourself and the people around you.

Christian Marriage Counseling

If you’re looking for professional help with how to improve your married life and strengthen your relationship with your spouse, consider Christian marriage counseling. Feel free to browse our counselor directory to find the right counselor for you.