Women’s Issues: When Your Friend Circle Feels Nonexistent

When it comes to women’s issues, some women are blessed with a circle of friends that share an unbreakable bond. Some women feel like they can bare their souls to a group of friends while others are hesitant and feel they have to walk on eggshells because of past hurts and insecurities.

One of the biggest misconceptions we face today is thinking we need to have it all together before establishing healthy relationships. We often “mask up” when it comes to relationships – we put on the façade that we are doing great, even when our world is in shambles or when our heart is broken into a million pieces.

Consider the women in these scenarios:

• Julie has been a loner for most of her life because her family was always moving. Due to the constant moving, she never felt it was worth it to invest in relationships because she feared being too attached before moving again. This lifestyle attributed greatly to Julie’s lack of friends because she never put herself out there and this transitioned to adulthood. She fears the rejection that might come with making new friends.
• Betty overheard her best friend of fifteen years talking negatively about her and making fun of her insecurities and lifestyle. Her so-called best friend was airing her dirty laundry to a group of her friends and Betty broke when the person she trusted most made light of her life and her dreams. Betty now believes that she cannot trust anyone and never wants to feel that rejection again.
• Sally was abused by her parents throughout her childhood, which led to abandonment issues, insecurities, and being closed off to the people around her. Sally is embarrassed about her upbringing because she feels like everyone around her is so close to their parents and that they will not understand her lack of close family relationships.

These women have all been hurt, which has led to issues in establishing healthy friendships. Some women’s emotional wounds might be more obvious or visible in their day-to-day life while others simply retreat and try not to let themselves become too attached in relationships.

Some women are more guarded in their friendships while others refuse to have close-knit relationships. This can happen for a variety of reasons, including:

• Being fearful of putting yourself out there
• Being hurt by the people you trusted most
• Putting too much pressure on yourself
• Being embarrassed that you do not have a lot of friends, so you hold back
• When your past feels too messy or your life is too chaotic right now
• Unrealistic expectations

Women’s Issues: Qualities of a Good Friend

Consider these qualities when it comes to finding and being a good friend:

Fellowship is crucial to successful friendships.

To find a friendship that lasts – you must first realize that no friendship or relationship will ever be perfect. Sometimes from the outside looking in, you assume someone looks like they have it all together – their family is close, their house looked picture-perfect, their children are always put together in the cutest clothes and never look like they are misbehaving, and their perfect careers and perfect spouses seem too far out of reach for you, so you hold back from letting them in.

It is crucial to realize that no one’s life is perfect. Everyone faces drama, relationship issues, identity crisis, or a part of their past that they are afraid to admit. The first step to establishing relationships that last is to accept that you do not need to perfect. Fellowship with one another, asking questions, getting to know someone, and accepting them for who they are is the foundation of a successful relationship.

Your friends do not all have to like the same things or have the same number of children. You just need to be able to remove the ideas of perfection and be able to fellowship as the unique individuals that God created you to be – through the good, the bad, and the downright ugly.

Imagine a best friend as someone you can call in the nitty-gritty of life – when your house is a mess, kids are running crazy around the house, dishes are piled high in the sink – it’s opening the door of your house and life to them without trying to shove everything in the closet when the doorbell rings.

Surround yourself with friends that make you better, not bitter.

Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character.’ – 1 Corinthians 15:33

It is not imperative to find a friend who checks all the boxes for a perfect career, perfect spouse, or perfect children; it is more about making one another better. It is encouraging one another to work on your marriage when things are difficult.

It is encouraging one another to get back in church when it has been several weeks, or months, or years. It is being there and holding their hand when a family member is sick or when their spouse is deployed. Friendship is about making one another better and holding each other’s hand through the bumpy patches of life.

A good friend wants to see people rise, not fall.

A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends. – Proverbs 16:28

If you are with friends who thrive on gossip, then your friendships might be thriving off the wrong qualities and eventually lead you down a destructive path. To ensure lifelong and meaningful friendships and relationships in general, it is important to find qualities in a friend that you admire and want to be.

What kind of friendship do you want to model for your children? Do you want your children to cheer for others and help them rise, or do you want your children to make fun of people who fall and get hurt? The same is true for establishing healthy friendships – we should want to help others succeed.

We should want our friend’s marriage to thrive and soar, not be mediocre. Friendship is about being a cheerleader for someone else and cheering them on in their best quarter of the game, and their worst quarter of the game.

“A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.” – Elbert Hubbard

Just like a thriving marriage, a good friendship is not one where you are always masked and trying to fake perfection. A thriving relationship is one where you can admit your struggles. It is one where you can open up about your past hurts. A friend is someone who never stops showing up. To find these friends, you must also be this friend.

Show up for your friend whose spouse is deployed. Show up for the new mom battling postpartum depression and see how you can help. Show up for your spouse when they are struggling. Showing up for people is not about having the right words to say – it is being present and available. It is about encouraging them when they are down. It is about offering a helping hand or a hug when they need it most. It is about lending an ear to them in their darkest hour.

If you are struggling to find a close group of friends who show up for you and encourage you to remove the mask of perfection; then start by showing up for other people.

Check in on your friends. Check in on your family. Check in on your co-workers. Once they realize that you are there during the good and the bad days, you can begin to open up and building bridges that are not easily burned. Bridges that can withstand the fiercest storms.

Christian Counseling for Women’s Issues

If you are haunted by your upbringing or want to restore a broken relationship, schedule your counseling session today and so you can continue to move forward and build relationships where you can come as you are and not feel the need to put on a façade.

Sometimes the greatest relationships take the biggest risks – do not fear opening up about who you are and what you have been through.

Scriptures on Friendship

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. – 1 Thessalonians 5:11

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. – Colossians 3:13

If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. – Ecclesiastes 4:10

My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. – John 15:12-13